Knit, Inc

Vogue Knitting Holiday 2012 Review

Posted on: October 16, 2012

Well! This is a bit early for Christmas (Holiday) magazine reviews, but it landed on my iPad quite by surprise, so I decided what the heck.  Here’s the review. Remember, this is only a light hearted poke at the magazine, I do actually love this publication.

There are some gems, so hold onto your needles!

The first section is called Hip Parade. Aural images of John Peel on BBC radio in the 60s  introducing a David Bowie song that’s riding high on the Hit Parade this week.

First up is a white sweater with some nice cable detail. Not so sure about the drawstring around the waist, and what’s that ruffly stuff around the neck?

Next is a boat necked sweater, with what I think are lacy bells on it. Ding-a-ling, see through boobies!

This one is entertaining, it reminds me of a pair of Roman Blinds:

Hoist the mainsails to flash yer belly! Aaar. Oh wait, is that a second layer of fabric underneath to prevent the belly flash? Oh it is, and there’s some at the cuffs too. Actually, I’m almost talking myself into liking it. The neckline is nice. BUT, it just has a look of mohair, doesn’t it? Yeah, I don’t like it.

This one is a very formal picture. Kinda like Ms. Featherstone-Haugh about to go riding her gentle grey mare around her country estate where she’ll meet up with Hughes, the gardener, and have a tumble in the magnolias but still look perfect afterwards.

On closer inspection, it actually looks like a really nice twisted stitch sweater. Hmm. maybe there’a a touch of the Featherstone-Haugh in me. No Hughes though.

Floofy collar and waistline action in this next one. It looks utterly plain and boring otherwise. Yawn.


This one is gas. Look at the shoulders, definitely some shoulder pad action going on there.

Come back Krystle Carrington, all is forgiven.

I do like the back of it, but you’d have to have a really tight butt to get away with it I think.

This next section has me rubbing my hands with glee. It’s called For the Frill of it. You can guess what this is all about – CAN-CAN TYPE YARN!! NOOOO!

Exhibit A, a knit bag with ruffly add-on.

You KNOW you want a close-up of this baby. Oh yes. Look! It’s spotty! Little babies are crying right now. Why, Mommy, WHY???

Ooh, ruffle yarn turned into flowers and sewn onto what was previously a nice clutch bag:

And the final offering, fluffy knicker bag.

I really have no words for this. WTF? OMFG? SWEETBABYJEBUS? None feel sufficient. Maybe this will do. THE HORROR!!!

I need a drink to recover after that. Hopefully the next section will have some regular, sane patterns to help me forget. It’s called Scarlet Fever, evoking images of red garments modelled by pale, blonde models wearing blood red lipstick, no?

Eh, no. They’re dresses. Check out this first one. What’s that stripe near the bottom? Is it intentional? Is it a knitting error as a result of hand dyed yarn & not alternating balls? God knows. It’s in an unfortunate place, though.

The cable details are nice enough, I guess, but it’s not for the faint hearted or wobbly bellied among us.

This one is hilarious. A giant intarsia flower with the model posing beside giant flowers.

Plain enough, you might think. But then she turns around, and BAM! It’s string vest man time again. (Aw, I can’t find my string vest man pic. You’ll just have to imagine him in all his stringy glory.) LOOK! It’s fecking see through all the way down the side! Holy Moly.

The next one is a whole can of hideous, with a cherry on top. What in holy hell…

Is this actually knit with chenille yarn? It looks like it. I’d end up jumping from a high building to end the suffering if I were knitting this. And the huge pleats at the back? Hahahaha. Loads of room for your huge ass there, my friend. Don’t have a huge ass? Never fear! this dress will have everyone thinking you do. Honestly, sometimes I despair.

The last dress in this section is… interesting. Actually if you look at it with a designers eye, the construction looks interesting. Lots of shaping and texture in there. Of course, when you try and wear this, I’m not so sure you’d appreciate the design detail. I think the best thing I can say about this is I like the colour. But uh-oh, what’s that around her neck? RUFFLES! NOOOO!

And then she turns around. MOAR RUFFLES! ALL OVER THE FREAKING PLACE! Little ruffle balls all over your cooch. I need a lie down.

The next section is called Graphic Content. Hold me.

Oh, wait, it’s about blocks of colour. Thank goodness. The first one is a boring ribbed sweater (too short) with a different colour waist rib and icord. Snore.

A cape! VK’s love affair with capes continues. It wouldn’t be a VK without a cape. It’s got a cable down the front and back. Hold the presses.

This section is feeling more like an 80s sitcom the more we go through it. The sweaters are totally 80s. Look, another blocky sweater with different colours. Oh, and short sleeves with a turtleneck. For a winter edition of a magazine. Yeah.

The fun continues. I’m running out of things to say about this section except maybe Another cape! Woo!

This one is particularly not-good. It’s just a shapeless rectangle. No-on would look good in this. Even the stick thin model looks like a hunchback.

The last offering in this section, and probably the best one. A nice little bolero type cardigan.

The next section is called Tom Scott. it’s an interview with the designer and two of his patterns. The first is a sideways knit bobble-icious cardigan. Shudder. Bobbles.

I’m not really sure what this one is. Is it a wrap? Is it a cardi? You decide.

On to the penultimate section, Pale Rider. The first pattern is a pair of cabled legwarmers. That don’t match. I’ll be honest, and say I like the skirt better. I’d wear that skirt.

A bobble hat. Am I the only one who thinks grown ups shouldn’t wear bobble hats? Not just because of the bobble aversion I have, but just because it makes everyone look about 6. And who thought it was a good idea to get a red haired model to pose in a yellow hat?

Another pair of legwarmers. I have a strange sense of déja vu.

Another bobble hat. This feeling of déja vu is really freaking me out. Plus, that hat is enormous. You’d fit a mighty big head of hair in there.

Another bobble hat! I’m really freaking out right now. Is someone watching me? Who are you? Why are you here? I’m calling the cops. At least when I run for my life, the chinband will make sure I don’t lose my bobble hat.

Moar legwarmers/yoga socks. I’m checking into rehab. And when I do, I won’t be bringing these with me. My feet would be frozen. Why knit these things and not put feet on? Did you run out of yarn?

Ah. Boot toppers. Sanity returns.

A nice pink hat. Looks nice and snuggly and soft.

Yay! The final section, Top Brass. When I saw this first pattern, I thought, ah, Top Brass, military style garments. No. It’s models posing with brass musical instruments. Go figure. This will probably be my tuba-playing hubbys favourite section.

That being said, I do quite like this first offering. It’s nicely structured and the panel in the centre is framed really well for maximum impact. I’m shocked, I’d actually wear this one.

And this one too, I think this looks great. Now I know all the stockinette would make me want to turn to drink, but the final result is fab. The pocket is a lovely touch, as is the collar. You just know the model is wearing a pair of Doc Martens with this, or wants to be.

There’s something hinky going on here, this is the third pattern in a row that I like. Am I coming down with something? I do feel a little flushed. Maybe it’s the excitement of finding wearable patterns? I bet they’re all only available in super skinny sizes though. It could be the colour too, that is a nice shade of khaki green.  This is eminently wearable I think. The cable flowing into the ribbing is gorgeous and the turtleneck nice & snug but not monster big. Mmm. The less said about the cap the better.

This one is okay too, no? A nice clever idea with the belt loops, but why not go the whole hog and knit the belt too? I would. Altho, is that acres of purling I spy? Eh, maybe not. Me no likey the curly ends either.

Ooh. Nice cornet missus. Your jacket isn’t half bad either. Lovely cable panels and the front is lush. Yes, I like this one.

Ah at last, a not so fab pattern to bring me back to reality. This reminds me of a bathrobe. All slouchy and stretched looking. The picture on the right also looks like the shoulder yarn is a different colour. I’m not feeling the love for this one at all. Oh, and I think the model is trying a bit too hard to work the trumpet.

OMG! That’s the end! That took me by surprise. Maybe it’s because the last few patterns were actually nice. I’m all verklempt. I’ll have to dig out my copy of the mag and find out some more about them.

Hope you enjoyed the review!

Good knitting!


11 Responses to "Vogue Knitting Holiday 2012 Review"

I think I liked all the patterns you liked. Some of them are pretty scary.

I was grinning before I even clicked the link to your post. I love these reviews!

Hilarious as always.

The pink hat is almost worth the investment alone. No, I don’t subscribe. I talk myself out of it every year. I also love the, “Roman Blinds,” sweater, but kill the neckline and make it the boatneck from the sweater above. That’s a lovely idea.I’d also do it in a simple lace weight without the itchy mohair look. Angora also makes me itch. No fuzziness. Smaller gauge!!!!

Yes. the pink hat alone is worthy. I need to work more with cables. It’s a good excuse. You could make it in several colors, weights, etc. I’m in love with the hat.

I do love your reviews. I must remember not to drink my tea while reading them, however. No wonder my keyboard doesn’t work very well.

It seems that you and I have very similar taste in knitwear. Thanks for the chuckles.

Ah, Sinéad, I do love review time.
I share all your horrors, and most of your ‘likes’ too.
So how then can this magazine not publish fewer shockers?
Ah, but then where’d we be for a laugh?

This issue’s best line is officially : “Little ruffle balls all over your cooch. I need a lie down.”

what a review – I nearly wet my unruffled pants:) thanks for this – if it wasn’t the vogue I’d say I could live without the mag, but I always fall for buying it anyway – eventually (don’t want to interrupt my collection:) did you get that nasty migraine from that mag? or did you find it afterwards… (might be a sue-worthy case otherwise?:)

Just came across your blog and will definitely bookmark it. Sooo funny!
Thank you for the review.

And of course you knew right away why you liked the patterns in the last section: nothing beats green, does it?

I absolutely have to know the first model’s name. Like no joke. So beautiful.

fun reviews – we differ ont he colors we like, but agree on VK’s idea of what we should be wearing – are they crazy? I also found a few patterns in this issue to make, in different colors, and much less expensive yarns.

hi where can i get the patterns from

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